The Power of Kindness

CAN KINDNESS IMPACT SUCCESS?

As we witness the years roll by, some of us begin to think about the purpose of life. It seems that

birthdays at some point serve as a trigger point to reflect on goals, achievements, and of course

the dreaded why have I not accomplished more at “my age”. In our thirties, many people are

engaged in a busy phase of life with limited time to reflect on philosophy or the power of the

mind to reinforce both acts of kindness versus very little, if any, kindness expressed in everyday

life. Ironic since acts of kindness generally do not require money and many take just a few minutes of time. As we age into our forties, some of us begin to think about regrets, could I have done something more along the way? Was there some type of success formula I missed?

As we see a fiftieth birthday, the mindset is pretty much baked in. Studies show that most people

become less optimistic and more negative over time. This explains why most people pass away

without fully embracing their potential. Their Eulogy usually contains kind words, even for the not so nice. Words tend to populate their Eulogy like he or she had a tough life, broken home,

bad divorce, had to battle a horrible disease, and on and on. Each of us has the ability to spin

kindness to highlight the end of someone’s life. Would if everyone had a chance to rewind their

last forty or fifty years on earth? Would you be different?

Imagine if you had to write every email like a Eulogy. Would it frame the person or situation in

the nicest light possible while still being real to the matter at hand? It is important to acknowledge acts of wrongdoing, but tearing down someone who is already in a difficult situation may not be productive, and it may bring downstream caution about you as a person. It also creates internal stress on the person delivering the verbal reprimand for most people. Many people replay their “showdown” moments in their head, even retelling the story to close friends to get buy in that their counterpart “had it coming”. Meanwhile your blood pressure may be higher than it needs to be as part of you feels even a tiny bit of regret. Is the shame game a real win?

Imagine looking at a film of your life as you are passing through the pearly gates. The short film

shows you a recap of your worse moments in life. We will assume here you did not commit violent crimes. You witness yourself yelling, screaming, plotting revenge, acting on it, breaking promises, and speaking harshly with likely exaggeration about someone. We have all been there in one form or another.

Now comes the final score card. You get so many points for acts of kindness, supporting the

unjust, and standing up for the weak. After your “kindness score” is tallied, the universe will

subtract all of the unkind acts or a small deduction for things you could have done to help others, but instead just stood still. We are not talking about helping every single person who needs a hand-up here, just the one or two acts of kindness you might have done every day.

ASK YOURSELF DO I HAVE A NET KINDNESS SCORE?

Each of us understands ourselves better than anyone else. How has your life improved by showing kindness to others, and how has it been affected by not extending kindness and help to those who might have needed it? Kindness, like hard work, may take time to generate a return for each of us but it will pay off eventually. It always pays off spiritually. You sleep better, have a richer life, and make those around you better. The primary motivation for kindness, whether it is influenced by the expectation of a future reward or not, is inconsequential if the initial intent was genuinely sincere. The net result is the same for the person or situation you improved. You made the world a better place.

It is uncertain how a comment, defending someone, or providing help might influence future

events in your life, possibly even years later. If you are not aware of the power of kindness, you

may never understand the power of it. It goes beyond improving your kindness score. It can lead

to promotions, financial success, and improved relationships with family and close ones. Most of all you will be teaching your kids and your co-workers and friends how to be a genuine human

being by their learning from your actions, not just your words.

As people grow older, birthdays that end in five or zero often hold more significance. We can look

back at the past five years and wonder did I fall short of my goals by not doing what? Kindness is

free; it doesn't need wealth or luxury.

YOU CARRY YOUR KINDNESS SCORE INTO YOUR FUTURE

Have you ever looked back at your past and wondered what might have happened to your life (or

what could happen in the future) if more kindness and less judgement were modeled with an

improved intent. Everyone experiences bad days, and we often retaliate with hurtful words. It is

almost impossible to be biblical in these situations, albeit with prior thought, it is possible to go

neutral and just hold off the words in favor of something more intellectual. Instead, your answer

might be more along the line of….”and how has that been working for you”…albeit with a more

passionate approach sometimes. Perhaps something like, “it is clear we have different views on

this”, however throwing dirt on each other just makes things worse. Why don’t we….fill in the

words here.

I recall one brief act of “kindness” that changed my life forever. Before I tell the story let me state

it is clear if this had not happened perhaps something else would have taken its place. I get that.

We all get that kindness combined with hard work produces success over time. You may never

know why someone, perhaps someone you never knew had your back.

I was a stock and bag boy at a luxury grocery store while I went to high school and then entered

college. I had bagged a rather large order and then offered to help this aspiring actress to take her groceries to her car. This market was in a very upscale neighborhood, and this was a common practice. As I loaded the car to the max, even the front seat, it was apparent the other 40% of her groceries would not fit in the car, at least in a proper fashion. I offered to pack the rest of her groceries into my car and drive them to her home. I let her know I was off in ten minutes, and it would be no bother. I had bagged and loaded her groceries many times before, so we had a slight “business relationship”. I had no idea how what happened next would later change my life. In fact, I did not even realize it until years later.

To keep this quick, she offered to pour me a glass of wine after I carried in all of the remaining

groceries to her “staff” who had just finished unpacking the first load. I learned she was an actress in the original Planet of the Apes Series and had been married to a famous producer. We

exchanged some personal notes and then she offered to let me “rent” the guest home at a very

reduced rate from market value in exchange for “balancing her checkbook”. She lead a very

privileged life while I juggled two jobs and a full college load of courses. The people she

introduced to me opened doors I might never have encountered otherwise. Certainly, I forged my own path and encountered various opportunities through diligent effort. However, many of these

opportunities stemmed from that initial offer to assist her in delivering groceries to her home.

The doors were opened for me because of the people I met while living in the guest house. She

threw many parties that included many famous people and people of influence.

As I later ran companies decades later or divisions of companies, I was influenced by what those

around me said to others or how they acted (or did not act) in situations that tested their human

resolve. I often kept silent on how they “should” have acted. I never said a word to them in most

cases as they had the right to care or not care. However, when it came time for promotions or

equity grants, I often held back or went with another equally qualified choice. Why? Was it a lack

of empathy or compassion or how they treated someone months or years before?

Indeed, it was. In many cases I did promote someone despite my human bias not to do so even

if I felt they should have been a kinder person. It was the right thing to do given other limited

options. The point is their kindness score mattered to me.

In the case of overlooking an otherwise solid candidate, they never knew why their life took a

different path. I never told them years later, “my decision to pass over you was influenced by how you treated so and so or why did you not see your skills could have avoided a lot of pain for this person had you just given them a hand up”. The matter died in the depths of silence.

The point is most of us will never really understand how our kindness score can change our world, often weeks, months or years later. That is not how the kindness dividend works. It may appear in your path years later, but it always comes. Hard work and kindness always pays off. It can be very hard to be kind, but even if you elect to be “less unkind” in a given situation, you are

becoming a better person. The world needs more kindness now and less judgement. Pass it on

and the kindness dividend will multiply on its own.